More turned on than anything else I had ever fantasised about. Those thoughts were with me for a number of years. Eventually I discovered chatrooms on the internet and this caused an explosion (in more ways than one!). I began to have cyber sex. That does not do it justice. I became addicted to cyber sex. I would take every opportunity to go online and share my fantasies with other guys. This exploration continually surprised me. I could not believe how excited I became when I pretended to have sex with guys as we swapped accounts of what we would do to each other. Over time I started to have regular sessions with the same guy, Rob. He was a gay guy, about the same age as me and took things nice and slow with me. He knew exactly my situation. Perhaps I should explain it to you as well. I was married. Nobody knew about this side of me and nobody could ever know. Time and time again I chatted to Rob. Describing to him what I wanted to do to him. With him. Getting incredibly turned on. I found my old Shakespeare, turned to the plays. There was the line she had quoted, by the fairies. I read the whole play, then went to the sonnets, the ones that explore regret.The sky was starting to brighten, just a little. I thought I might get on the Web and go to a porn site, to get some pleasure at least. It might help, but I just didn't have the heart for it. Oh to sleep, perchance to dream. What was that? Hamlet? I slept.Everyone tells me it is common for people to have that experience, to have been open and free with a special one, then the next time to be shy. We were like that, remembering the kissing and the caressing and the moonlight, but caught in the fluorescent lights and Formica-topped library tables. Surrounded by the knowledge of nations, neither could think of much to say. Saying and thinking were different things, though. I kept wondering what she looked like naked. I knew this game my mind played with me, knew it made talking harder and that I should.
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