Died because I hadn’t been there to protect her. Because I couldn’t bring myself to accept just how much she meant to me. Because we couldn’t. Because I had ran away, yet again.It is a perpetual mystery how I managed to live this long. I’m not sure its a good thing that I had. I don’t mean other people trying to hurt me. It is a mystery I hadn’t killed myself yet, and put myself out of my own misery. Out of so many other people’s misery. Out of the misery of people I had yet to meet.Yet here I sit, on a river bank. Of a river I had grown up playing in. The Canisteo River. Of my childhood. A childhood I had thrown away.I remember happy times here. I remember long walks with Suzie. We were loners in our own little world. We’d walk and talk. Long long walks. Play games. Chase each other. Play fight with each other. It was happy times. Her smile, her green eyes, her long red hair. Tickling. Making each other scream with pleasure and delight. I remembered the time she slipped and fell in. He still worked, although Judy, like Jackie, was retired. Ben is a retired high school science teacher, and I have to say that I'm impressed with him for a man his age. He didn’t act at all like an elderly man and looked to be six feet tall and weighed about one hundred and eighty-five pounds. He's lean and fit, with dark mocha colored skin, and I found out later that he is an avid golfer and he also works out regularly in the community gym.Ben is handsome, resembling the actor, Terrence Howard, and his head is shaved. For some reason, I expected a man of his age to be somewhat reserved and withdrawn, but he is just the opposite.The first time we three couples were together socially, playing cards at Ben’s home, I couldn’t help but notice his strong, confident personality, which is a big contrast to his wife’s shy demeanor. He was, and still is, quick to take charge and voice his opinions. With his deep, melodic, baritone voice, there's an edginess to him that even makes him seem a.
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