Since then I found myself doing much more, thank god he decided my parents' money wasn't a reason enough for him not to sleep with other women behind my back, and that I found out about it. I'm even not sad about the fact that I found out he was cheating on me only because he fell in the shower of that bitch and snapped his neck, and that the paramedic was enough of the bumbling idiot to describe everything in detail. Sure, I wept for some time, how could he cheat on me, oh how sad that he died. But all in all, he was nothing but a useless asshole that I was lucky enough not to marry. He wasn't even such a great fuck, I've been fucked and also fucked harder and better than he could ever fuck anyone, including me.The problem for me was that the girl in whose shower he died was my boss, and because of our mutual grief, my hatred towards her and her guilt, it was decided that I should leave my place of work. It wasn't a decision made by both of us, but sadly my vote was kinda forfeit. Janet and Lila had brought something different to my life — something positive. I was able to lead the life of a normal person for a portion of my day. I was able to leave the intense work world behind and live the sort of life I truly wanted.Now I couldn't. Well, I guess I could find someone else but the difference in our lifestyles would always create problems. As I mentioned to Janet, my life doesn't lend itself to companionship. At the time it was an off-handed statement. Only now did I recognize the truth in what I'd said.I know the obvious suggestion was to reconnect with Linda Federici. That's not what I wanted. I wanted someone who didn't fit the profile of a Syndicate Wife. I wanted to be with a woman to whom my world was foreign, not to whom it was commonplace.Also there was the small detail that outside of a few flirtatious comments, Linda had never shown the slightest interest in me. Her life had always been predicated by the lowest-common denominator. Neither her father.
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