She thinks she can still get me excited with wedding magazines and romance novels. Like I'm going to wake up one day and totally get it. Dad's just in it for the money. He boasts over the dinner table. Yeah, we still do that. How totally motherf-ing quaint. He boasts about how much easy business comes his way from the church and churchgoers and the holy-ass Christian women's club. I mean seriously, can you even believe there is such a thing?So when they figured out I was into girls (and it took them long enough to notice - it's not like I was doing an ace job of hiding it) they hit the roof hard.Well, he did. Mom doesn't do that. She just gets disappointed, which is much worse because she may be an asshole but she's still my mom.Where do you shop for one of these places, by the way? Not that you'd know. But I wonder, because it's not like you'd find it in the yellow pages. My parents found one though, right quick - probably through the pastor at our church. I wish they'd shopped. I know that. You don’t have to judge me, I take responsibility for my actions. I am not going try to make excuses. I simply want to explain how it happened. I want you to understand that it was an accident. It was an honest mistake. I did not realize what my sister was doing to me until it was too late. I’ve had some time to sort through the events of the past year, and there are so many things I would do differently if I could. To be honest though, there are some things I would never change. Some aspects that a part of me really enjoyed. I’d do it again. My parents split up about 4 years ago when I was 16. My little sister was almost 15. Times were pretty tough. Mom had to work two jobs to make ends meet. When she was home pretty much all she did was sleep.My sister Susan and I cleaned the house, cooked the meals and took care of ourselves. We were always close, but after the divorce we became even closer. Susan was a sweet k**. She needed lots of affection, and my father’s virtual.
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