St. Paul’s was not so very different from the church of his youth, the church where his family would likely now be gathered together. Graham found his eyes tracking the few family groups arrayed below. He felt suddenly like Ebenezer Scrooge confronting his lost past. A spirited John had whisked him to these shadows of Christmas’ past with a quiet plea and the eternal magic of his warm eyes. There was not much Graham could deny John. Graham saw echoes of his parents in the faces of fathers and mothers settling their restless broods. He saw himself in the youths slumped uncomfortably beside pesky siblings. God bless us everyone, Graham turned his eyes back to the glory of the organ pipes arrayed across the front of the sanctuary. He tried to lose himself in the heavy music. Ten years and he never could. Christmas simply reminded him of the unbridgeable gulf that lay between him and the close knit family he had stepped away from at eighteen. The excited families below also reminded him. "I have to know who you see when we fuck. Do you see Dember or do you see me?"Her body tensed next to him. She was leaning into his chest as she lay next to him with her head resting on his shoulder."Why did you ask that question?" She said."I have to know if I can trust you. I have to know that you are here for me, and only me."Shasa rolled up on her elbow and looked down at Benni's face. He felt her right breast pressing into his ribs and the feeling was inviting. His cock was already at full even though, pushing things as he was, he still might not get her."I didn't want to grow up; Dember told me it was time to let go and move on. Nagala told me it was past time to stop acting like a child. It hurts, Benni. Leaving behind my life the way it was feels like an essential part of me is being cut out of me." Yep," Benni admitted. "I got the same message a couple of days ago. It hurts deep, but I should've been dead. I'll take hurt over dead any day." You still want me, Benni? I mean,.
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