." "You can try." Megan took a deep breath. "Janet is trying to quit too. She was stuck at work, stressed out and couldn't run out at lunch. She needed a smoke really bad. I bought her the cigarettes. I said would give her one when she needed it, but I'd keep the pack and get rid of the rest." Uh huh," he said looking in the pack, holding the opened end way from Megan. "And how many did she smoke?" "Three or so?" Megan said, sitting with her hands together, fidgeting with her fingers. "Now, if I called Janet and asked her, how many would she say?" "Please don't," Megan blurted out, "I don't want to have to explain this. If you hadn't come home early they would have been gone." Jason paced the kitchen behind where Megan was sitting. "Here is how it looks to me. You bought cigarettes, against the rules. You may have smoked. You wanted to hide these from me, possibly throwing them away, but I doubt it." Megan didn't look at him. Her palms got sweaty and her breath was shallow. Jason. He couldn’t deal with the ‘other’ woman in his life. His cyber mistress. Me. He couldn’t deal with the guilt he felt when he was with his pregnant wife. Oh, I haven’t mentioned he was married? Yes, I knew that much when we began chatting. But I didn’t realise she was pregnant. I didn’t realise that he was looking for some kind of sexual release because his wife wouldn’t, or couldn’t, accommodate his needs. I just didn’t know. I’d found the unconditional love I was looking for. I’d found an ability to be able to return it. My mind blanked out every other aspect, every other possible problem, every other realistic event. I lived totally in the moment. And then it ended. Like the click of a locked door on a jail cell. To say I was devastated sounds so trite. I couldn’t stomach food for three weeks. I couldn’t stand to be in the kitchen cooking dinner for my family. My stomach kept heaving. I picked at pathetic morsels I’d put on my plate so my family wouldn’t notice. I lost weight.
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