Aunt Cassie spent a lot of time out with her friends so there was a lot of alone time. My curiosity drove me into rifling through her clothes, seeing what kind of things she wore. My uncle was very lucky to have a woman who wore all kinds of sexy negligee. There were drawers of satin, silk, leather, and latex. There were corsets, gloves, and a drawer full of panties. Sometimes I’d imagine her masturbating as she smoked her Marlboro menthol 100 cigarette while I rubbed her panties on the tip of my dick. It usually ended with me splattering her panties with semen. I’d hide them in my room until I had time to wash them and put them back. She never said a word, so I’m assuming she never noticed. There were so many pairs that it would be hard for her to, I suppose. I’d never thought anything would ever happen between us, since we were related, but near the end of October, it did. Trick or treating was being done a few days before since Halloween fell on a Tuesday. I’d been working so. Maria’s news was not happymaking. I told her, not for the first time, how much I love her. Jokingly, I said it was like having another daughter with none of the work, or the expense. In my head I thought, ‘but with all the pain of loving and losing.’ I turned away and walked quickly back to my office, shut the door and lost it. I buried my head on my desk and sobbed. Stupid fucking old man, I thought, but I couldn’t stop crying. Somehow I made it through the afternoon, and my wife and I went to the concert. The inside of the church had been done in fake Italian renaissance, modeled on the del Gesù in Rome, the little booklet in the front door rack said. Big murals featuring St. Christopher (even though he had been cut from the team), a few virgin martyrs, and St. Francis of Assisi with a few animals in the backfield. And enough aerial perspective to make Leonardo wince. Still, it beat being outside, where the snow was falling, or at home, where I’d taken over cooking dinner. I.
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