We just talk about the same old stuff and I don't have the guts to talk about the things that are really bugging me these days. I mean, I got almost no sleep last night wondering if am a lesbian and I don't even have the guts to talk to my therapist about it. I wish I did have someone I could talk to but I really could never tell anyone about all the sick things I think about. And the thing is, half the time I think it is entirely in my mind. I planned on telling Trish I was too tired but she literally pulled me into their apartment. Ryan was there watching television but we stayed in the kitchen and drank our tea. She asked about my day and about things with Todd and told me about hers and then I left. I wonder why it seems so important to her?Oh, when I was leaving she said "See you tomorrow" like there was no question. I guess I will. Thursday, February 24, 2000Trish and I seem to be getting along better now. I told her few days ago about the reflexology course I took. The tea arrived, and we talked some more. She was animated and collected, neither frightened nor eager to please."Do you manage this farm by yourself?" I asked."Oh, yes, no choice there," she said. "We only have four slaves and ten acres of tobacco. It's not such a big job." It looked bigger," I said, watching her breathe a bit more rapidly."Yes, well, we own fifity acres. No, that's wrong, we farm fifty; we own twenty with a big woodlot, rent the rest." Corn, I assume." Mostly," she said. "Some long-fallow land in pasture although the army has taken most of the animals. We only have a few goats left." Your husband?" With Clinton. A captain in the loyal forces." She sat up straighter. She had fine posture, good carriage as they sometimes call it."No children?" The house was very quiet.Her eyes widened. "Amica," she said loudly, "go down to the barn and work on that flax." The back door closed as she released a sob."I'm sorry," I said as she pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and.
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