“That was so good, Daddy. You’re a stud. You got a great body. Fuck me again.”That wasn’t going to happen. Not now. I’d been in some sort of spell. He entrapped me—discerned my weakness and played it. I couldn’t do this again. He was only fourteen.“I’m going to take a shower now,” I said. “Your money is there on the dresser. $30 for the mowing and another $100—for ... you know what.” I couldn’t bring myself to say what the other $100 was for—what the deal had been.This would have to be it—the end. I’d have to mow my own lawn or get someone else in. Someone older. A mowing service or some sort of arrangement.“Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday again?” he asked. “Mowing again then. And then this too?”“I don’t know, Kevin. I’m going away this week. I’ll have to call you when I get back.”I had no plans to go away for a week, but now I’d have to. I was weak. If I stayed in town, I’d have him back next Tuesday. And he was a witch boy. If I let him come again to mow the lawn, I’d have him again. The staff were kind to lovers and we were left on our own. We carefully avoided talk of past or future. We were in limbo, both immersed in work, realising just how much we had to do to catch up. We drank enough wine to make us cheerful and I ate enough to make me welcome the walk back to Polly's, holding hands. We'd sat with Polly, Arthur, Barbara and Michael for a while, talking about the little domestic triumphs and disasters of the day.Robert and I had kissed goodnight at the front door, casually, trying not to excite, but the tension underneath had been crackling. The oddest limbo.Barbara had come into my room and talked. She was kind and gentle too. Encouraging me. I'd poured out my heart about Robert and we'd cried together. She was inquisitive about what was in plan for my 'wedding night'. When I told her that there didn't seem to be anything special in plan, she'd looked at me oddly, saying that it didn't sound like Robert to let me down over something like that.And I'd.
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