Gould praised me, but the critique I wanted happened two weeks after the trial."You were brilliant, Joe," said Bess on the phone. I'd been wondering if I'd see her again."What you said before--were you trying to rattle me or did you tell me the truth?" My words came out slow and careful. Phones have ears."I couldn't lie to you Joe. Have I ever?" I thought about it. She never had. She played with me--put me on edge many times--but never really lied. We pretended of course--constructed our little world--but knew we played imaginative games."It's the same, isn't it? Twenty years pass, and you still play with my heart." I told you I'm no good. Do you want to meet?"I chuckled. Talking to her felt like fucking--at least the motion: in and out. "Of course." Come to my apartment for lunch. Any appointments after lunch?" Nothing I can't postpone. I need to be here by three." Good. I have a surprise." Of course," I said. She gave me the address. Posh. Park Avenue. Midtown. Bess was a well kept. Just another way for her toensure that she doesn't have to admit the truth to her self that I'mnot who she wants me to be. Really I don't mind as strange as that maysound. I think that by wearing a dress people are more likely too seepast some of my more masculine features. A dress is so feminine afterall. The blouse is a different story. Mom thinks I should show off alittle more so she keeps buying me tighter fitting tops that fit to mycurves. Personally I'd prefer that no one take notice of my fakebreasts. The less people look at me the better.I'm glad mom's letting me wear sneakers today. I've never quitemastered wearing high-healed shoes. Unfortunately I still have all ofthe damn jewelry she loves to see me wear. Four rings, two bracelets,the gaudiest earrings you can imagine, and a necklace with a heartshaped locket make up the lot of it. The locket belonged to mygrandmother and had a picture of my mother and her in it. Mom thinksthat the two of us together look a lot like that.
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