” I told her.“It’s ok Brian, you’re my best friend, that has to be enough, I guess. Let’s just go to sleep.” she answered.I know I laid there for hours, holding Courtney against me, my mind wondering what life had in store for me, asking myself should I perhaps try and open my heart up to Courtney, see if we could really make this work. Finally I drifted off to sleep, I know I was exhausted both physically and mentally.When I opened my eyes, the room was bright with sunlight. Even with the curtains closed you could tell it was early morning. It took a second for me to remember where I was, I looked over across the bed to see Courtney lying still next to me, her eyes looking right into mine.“Good morning.” she said, squeezing my hand gently.“What time is it?” I asked.“Almost ten o’clock.” she answered.“How long have you been up?” I asked.“About an hour, I have just been watching you sleep.” she said, a slight smile on her face.We laid there for a while, then decided to get up, dress. "Danny was a leg man, he liked to see a woman in a skirt; he liked to seea woman in a skirt and heels; he could hardly help but look at a womanso dressed. One of the things about falling in love with Danny was beinghappy to wear a skirt and heels to please him. Not because he asked, ordemanded, or sulked if I didn't, but because he smiled when I did.Because he loved so much to run his hands over my legs when I dressedthem in something sheer I loved to wear nylons for him: not because hesaid I was a slut for having bare legs, or for wearing a skirt at all,but because I loved that he loved my legs in nylons."It's envy," he said. "I used to think of it as jealousy, because thefeeling came so intensely, but it's not jealousy - that's an angryemotion, a negative one. Envy is right, I envy the women I see aroundme." Do you envy me?"He laughed, awkwardly. "Yes. As much as I am hopelessly in love withyou, I envy you your life. The things you do, the way you are, the wayyou dress." I'm more.
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