Mrs. Newsom blew me a kiss. Stephanie and Jennifer's eyes wereglued to me, and they waved excitedly. I took my place beside the altaras the rest of the bridal party entered. The strains of the WeddingMarch began and Paula walked down the aisle with her father. During theceremony, I watched Paula closely. What would it feel like to be abride? To wear a long white gown, and be given away to a man to love,honor, and obey? Did I want that?Paula and the groom said their "I do's" and the ceremony ended. Wewalked back down the aisle, past all the guests once again, and I sawMichael giving me a goofy look. I smiled and stuck my tongue out athim. Later, at the reception, I stood in the receiving line with therest of the wedding party, and I was introduced as "Paula's friend,Mary" to an endless stream of strangers, all of whom told me howprecious I looked. Gran finally came, and she gave me a big hug andtold me I had done a wonderful job. I turned and looked to the nextperson in. But at least it was not wrong, it was just a part of us growing up. Right now, that is what it is, a step in our path to become mature adults. If we confront this crossroad after we are married, then it would be a mistake. Again, I refuse to be a mistake,’ I said as she sobbed quietly. I knew that she probably would not have repeated this mistake if we reconciled, just as I knew that my mother would not come back to walk off again. But when you have been kicked by life as many times as I have, you cannot take the chance. You cannot enjoy a soccer match because you identify with the ball and not the players or cheering fans. I could not endure being kicked once again. I think Cindy understood what I tried to tell her. She got up after a while and hugged me. ‘I understand. I am so sorry for this hurt. Believe me when I tell you — I truly love you. For me the most important thing is your happiness. I forgot that in my drunken stupor. I am not drunk right now. I know that it is best for.
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