His hand is hot. His eyes are focused on me. Warm. Accepting. “What did you know?” “Okay… It got to the point that in our day to day lives, I…shit this is hard… I was in control. If you asked him, he would never have thought that, but I was.” I pause, hoping this is enough. One look at him and I know it isn’t. “I felt like I always had to take the lead, to set the tone. He was always so gentle, so giving. I felt like I had no room to complain. I know it was my responsibility to tell him what I liked or didn’t like, but honestly, sometimes a woman just wants a man to know. The thing is, I’d figured out early on that I like it, um, a bit rough. After hinting at it, he figured it out but when he was, I could tell it was only to please me. It didn’t feel real… not to mention it was never really enough anyway.” I feel shy sharing this, but I feel no judgment from him. Patrick’s hand on my chest subtly moves upward until it is lightly resting on the base of my neck. I don’t feel. I never once said ‘take that one’. He’s been poisoning you against me for months now.’ ‘I can’t talk to you like this, meet me later when you’ve cooled off, and we’ll sort it out.’ ‘Got another hunk lined up that you have to put off first have you?’ I sneered. I knew I had lost control but I couldn’t stop. All my anxieties were bursting forth and I was saying ridiculous things, things meant to hurt her. She stepped up to me and slapped my face hard. In my anger I started to lift my hand until I realised what I was doing. My shoulders slumped, my hand dropped down to my side. ‘I’m sorry Karen, I’ll go. I never meant for this to happen, and I never want to hurt you again, so I’ll go and leave you alone.’ I turned and went towards the door. As I reached it, her manager came in. ‘What’s happening? I heard raised voices?’ He saw me. ‘Oh, it’s you, the husband.’ My anger returned. I saw all my problems personified in him and I swung my fist, landing it square on his jaw. *** At least I.
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