I've been staring again haven't I. Damn my brain! I blame you, you're teasing me now with your words, putting ideas in my mind. Must be good. Must not touch. Argh!Walking back to the car we nudge, playfully trying to push each other into lamp-posts, bollards. OK it's an excuse, on my part at least, I just want to touch you. This may kill me by the end of the day, why do I say such silly things?In the car I drive, you rest your hand on my leg, teasing me, I make you take it back. Rules are rules. As soon as I do I kick myself, mentally obviously, what the hell am I thinking? You want to touch me, I want to touch you, we break every other bloody rule we set, why not this one as well?Because you warned me this would happen of course. That you'd want to 'indulge' me, and then you'd feel bad. And then I'd feel bad. And I don't want to spoil the good memories I have of this by bringing in bad ones. And I want your memories of this to be good as well. Why is life so complicated?I park the. I cannot tell you the depth of humiliation I felt. That night I ran home in tears and felt I wanted nothing more than to die. I moved away shortly after that, as my mother got a job in the centre of Seattle, working for Boeing. When my sister and I left the school I thought I’d never see Dillon McKlusky again. I was very happy about that. As the years went by I became more comfortable with ideas about my fluid gender. Gradually I embraced a transgender lifestyle and even began living as a young woman after college. I even had a little work done on my boobs. I was finally comfortable and happy in my body, while remaining a functional male. One might say it was the best of both worlds. Eventually I did Fiona’s program. That was the real eye opener and finally I felt complete. Having dressed full time as a female since I was 22, I find no one suspects anything now. Being bisexual I have no desire to transition completely. It’s not as difficult to find relationships as you might.
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