I stifled a giggle, her two-piece tweed suit and pearls were the spit of the outfit I had modelled for my soft porn photo debut. ‘Apologies. I didn’t realise I had guests.’ I crossed the kitchen and pecked Mr J on his cheek. He had the bleary look of a man trying to pretend the night before had not happened. ‘This is Jane. She’s James’s mother.’ ‘I’m Susan, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Your son is a very talented photographer.’ If life has taught me anything it’s that no woman can resist someone flattering her children. I pasted on my broadest smile and held out a hand. She took it in a barely perceptible grip between her thumb and limp fingers. It was clear the pleasure was one sided. The look on her face as she examined my skin-tight, Lycra cycling clothes fell somewhere between disgust and disbelief. We were saved further embarrassment by James’s arrival. His face was bright red and he was simultaneously trying to straighten his T-shirt and pat down unruly hair. His mother stood. He was stupid to accept it. But he didn't know it ... yet.She was everything Mina wasn't. Crass, uneducated, unsophisticated, and bordering on the high side of 'Special Ed' and the low side of 'Student Body' all through school ... she did manage to walk the walk to the podium and graduate, however many nerds, geeks and teachers she had to 'impress' to get there. A couple of times she impressed an "A."The lights in her eyes sparkled with the sun ... shining through the back of her head...To darken her mood ... put a hat on her...She's the vacuum chamber in a wind tunnel.Throughout history, she inspired the best blond jokes ever told ... and she was a brunette.DD ... not DeeDee ... DD. DD was so dumb if her name had had ONE more letter, she couldn't spell it."Your name is DD? Spell it." The inevitable answer to the question, was "i-t."Air head implies something in there."Come one come all, see the Last Wonder of the World ... Shake her, Boys. she rattles."In future years, she would be.
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