After Jackie left, I took back to my bored musings. One book had been laying on my desk for days, purple with beautiful gold patterns across the front and back of its leathery cover. The title was indecipherable, and the inside was the same. Pages and pages of strange diagrams of people and blocks of text beneath repeating bold headers ending with the same block of text: it looked like it said “Nafec”. I had stared at these neatly laid out pages for days, seeing patterns and familiar characters. The “language” had some similarity to the characters in my grandmother’s notations, but I had yet to discover the language’s origin or name online. I picked it up and began thumbing through it again, looking for another interesting picture amongst its tattered pages.Then there was a slam and suddenly a shout.“Kaleb! STOP LEAVING THE TOILET SEAT UP DUMBASS.”I groaned in irritation and withheld a snide remark, you can do it yourself Jackie. I looked down in my fury and irritation… and my eyes. "I was trying to help you. From your messages he was getting waytoo close and I didn't want you getting found out." It felt like you didn't trust me. I felt like I'd failed."She takes me by the waist and looks at me, her face softening."No Kevin. You were too good. You were me dialed up to eleven all thetime. I stayed away because... because you were making a better job ofbeing me than I was! In a week you were teaching in a steady job, youwere fixing my love life, you were put together and ... I'm not likethat! You think I am but I'm not! I'm a mess. Everyone is."I think of all the objections I could make to this: that I was justdoing the best I could; that I was scared of getting caught; that Iwanted it to be perfect. But of course, she's right."Vicki told me everything you were doing," she says, letting go of mywaist and standing back, "and I just felt hopeless. I figured, sinceyou were so good at it why did I even have to bother? But it had to beover some time. It wasn't going to.
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