His dream hugs restore rightness in my world, he is still my warrior. That is how I envision him- war paint and buckskin and all! We have kept in touch in the real world, making small talk, celebrating birthdays, sharing milestones and accomplishments. I’m never sure how much to tell him, or not, so I play it safe, not wanting to lose him a second time. I realize now with perfect clarity that I am constantly seeking to relive those feelings of safety in the arms of my warrior, with every new man I bring into my life under the greatest auspices of hope. The meteors’ power bring me closer to the truth in my own heart, and, because of my memories with Jack, put me in a safe place to make a comparison, fair or unfair, to what Jack meant to me. Still means to me. Under the same judging light of the stars, I relived its spirit with my young friend, I beheld its untapped physical power with Chen, and I touched its truth and purity that one time under the stars with Daniel. Sometimes I see. Even before we boarded, Jill had removed her rings and switched them for Chris’s class ring hung around her neck.No, what was different was more of a qualitative thing. It was more in the eyes and the smiles than in any overt and obvious physical change. It was the way that their eyes, always the window to the soul as some guy in Stratford-on-Avon once said, twinkled and locked together at even the smallest of moments. It was the warmth and comfort in the little smiles shared as they shared a private joke or enjoyed seeing something interesting, funny or cute.All of these little signs tore at my heart-strings. They ate me up and crucified me each time I saw them. But at the same time, they were the opium I craved and couldn’t resist. They drove me to the edge of fear and worry, but at the same time they intoxicated and aroused me. They would have driven me into a padded call except for my twin pillars that held my brain just the right side of sanity. The pillar of the wonderful woman.
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