At eight p.m. I finally dialled the number of the agency. I informed the man on the phone of my needs, and he said that Anton would be by in forty-five minutes. I prepared both physically and mentally for Anton’s arrival.After I heard a knock at the door I was met by a satisfactory looking, six-foot tall young man. He wasn’t very handsome but had a fetching smile and friendly demeanour. He was also slimmer than I had expected. Introducing himself as Tyler he apologized that Anton was not able to call on me. Somewhat disappointed, but doing my best not to show it, I invited him in.As we conversed, he told me was actually straight, and did this nature of work to supplement his meagre daytime wages. Serving an apprenticeship at the time, he was apparently poorly paid. He also made it clear that he only played safe, and that he did not kiss at all.After a while, he reminded me that the session only lasted an hour and that he couldn’t be late for his pickup after our allotted time. As we. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I haven't had the experience of other men before Howard and I met. I know the difference. I know how much better Howard is than other men. What is driving me to the edge of this cliff?Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need psychiatric help. Maybe it does have to do with menopause. Too many questions. Too much confusion. I won't solve these questions lying in bed. It was time to get up and shower. Eat something. Think about what I want to say tonight. Be prepared. Don't let Howard get the upper hand again.I made it through the day. I lay down after lunch and slept for almost two hours. I felt better for it. But I could feel.
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