Then I asked if she still wanted me...and she said she doesn't want to hurt me and I asked if she still wanted me again..And she just said always. and I asked her why. She told me she loved who I was but I’m her daughter and more importantly she is my mother and she said she was hurting me. But I just like I said I am not sure if I meant this or was being dramatic, but I said I wanted to die...that I needed her now not as my mother, I needed someone to make me feel special, I needed someone to make me feel important. And then she was silent and I just there was just a long pause maybe a whole minute with nothing said. and I just dropped my shirt(I was covering myself with it) And I just asked her again, please...Finally she just, like her whole body dropped in defeat, not sure how else to describe it, her shoulders, her face, her fingers went dead and her body just dropped in defeat.She then nodded, no words said, simply nodded as she walked to me and, I remember my breath literally. I'm glad I'm not in that rat race any longer, and you shouldn't be either. I'd love to find out that you're out of that and just kicking back like me. You could buy a house near me and we could do some fishing together, although you'd need a palace and a much bigger boat with the number of women you have."John thought for a moment, and then said, "Hell, you have that monster sailboat, don't you? I'll bet your place in Tampa is as near a palace as it gets too." We both laughed at his observation.We were heading back to the main resort when John told me, "I still have ears up in DC. I hear you're temporarily being put out to pasture, or permanently, if they can make something stick. Like I told you, Chuck, get the fuck away from those people. You don't need them, and they sure as hell don't want you unless it's for one of their crazy missions where you'd be target practice. Get out while you can. Shit, do like so many have done. Sue them for a disability retirement. A judge would award.
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