Two gladiators who had announced their intention of retiring a few months before they were eligible for it, found themselves in fights that they could not possibly win. Commodus showed his thumb when they asked for mercy, and they were killed on the spot. The rest of us got the message real fast.I still wound up with some weird partnering, but I managed to live through it, and I rarely had to kill somebody at the end of a match. Everybody conceded that I was very likely the best gladiator in Rome at the time, but I had no trouble getting matches. Either there was hope of gaining a fantastic boost in one's reputation by beating me, or there was the expectation that I would not kill my opponent unnecessarily. Either way, men were not afraid to fight me.On the opposite side of the coin, there was no longer any point in betting on my matches. The odds were biased so far in my favor that a bet on me paid so little that it was not worth the effort, and a bet against me was tantamount to. . if we went our separate ways after a joyous romp or two ... it might be survivable. A cherished memory of a beautiful but chance encounter during a time of crisis. But if events demand that we remain here, in close quarters and with few alternatives among the too old, too young, or too infirm with which to slake our lusts, we wouldn’t leave it there, would we? I’d want you again and again, and I don’t think you’d resist. My appetites are more ravenous than you know. Out of the generosity of her love for you — and for me — Elfi would encourage us until it was too late. Our relationship would blossom into something else. And then what of you, Théo? What of Elfi? What of your love? Lacking what I desire with any other source, I might find it and take it from you, all the while knowing that doing so would destroy any hope for what, or who, you really want.”“For I’m desperate, Théo. I crave sex, perhaps more than is typical or even healthy, but it doesn’t assuage the pain within. That.
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