But over time I started seeing the liberation it can provide for me who wants to share my story of taboo relationship between me and my elder cousin brother as it is hard for me not to talk to anyone about my experience.Lets see, it all began when I left my small home town and went to Pune to complete my graduation. I stayed with my elder cousin brother, who was working in an MNC there and so he decided to be my guardian. Now my elder cousin brother who I also call “ bhai ” is married and has 2 small kids all of whom stay back in my home town with his mother, my aunt. He sees them few times a year when they go to pune during the kids school vacations. In the beginning it was all good as we had grown up together him being just 7 years elder to me. He loved me and for my comfort shifted to a bigger flat with 2 bedrooms so that I had privacy.Months passed and we were comfortable over these 8 months together and he was there for me at my time of need. Towards the end of my first year he. I fell face first onto the bed and covered my head with a pillow. I heard the front door slam, and I began to thump the bed with my fist as I thought my life was over. I rolled back over and started to swear at myself under my breath. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck. You stupid fucking fool.’ What mistake had I made? I was so careful, but I must have given myself away somehow. Oh my God, what was I going to do? Separation, divorce, public shame, and suicide all flashed through my mind. My rational mind managed to wrestle my overwrought imagination to a standstill long enough for me to think more clearly. Sandy hadn’t seemed upset, she had obviously known my secret already and hadn’t confronted me about it. In fact, the way she ‘outed’ me was so banal as to make me think she might not be too concerned. Her tights were laddered, and she had just come and asked to borrow a pair from me, as if that were the most natural thing in the world. Her last words as she left were, ‘I love you, babe.’ Not.
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