If youhad asked me over a month ago what would have been more likely; mebecoming an actual factual girl or Glen and Dot getting it off? I wouldhave answered that although both seemed impossible there would havebeen a better chance of me growing a vagina. Dot was quick to leap to the defensive. "I didn't say it was Glen!" Itso clearly was."It so clearly is! A close friend with benefits? Hmm... I wonder whothat could be? Kev? No, despite being very good-looking he drives youape-shit! Mads? No, because he's too asexual for you and you don't likeyounger guys. Me? No, because I'm a girl now and we weren't eventalking to each other until 20 minutes ago. That just leaves Glen." Wow, I never knew Sherlock Holmes was so voluptuous!" Dot wasevidently using her jokes as a defensive mechanism. "Ha ha," I said sardonically, "But I'm right." She didn't respond tothat. I knew it. A jogger passed us, trying to not get tangled up inthe masses of seaweed strewn around by the hands of the tide. I. My tongue came untied. Unfortunately my brain wasn't up to the task of governing my now loose tongue."Are you fucking crazy?" I blurted.Her frown deepened, and I suddenly realized I had dropped the F bomb on an adult. And a woman to boot."I had no idea I was such a hag," she said stiffly.My brain farted again."Damn!" I moaned. "You're anything but a hag."Her eyebrows relaxed a bit. She looked interested, suddenly, instead of mad."My, my, but you have developed a potty mouth. What do you mean, exactly?"I reviewed what had slipped out of my mouth, thanks to my loose tongue and farting brain. Basically, I had suggested that my mom's best friend was as hot as I thought she was.I was doomed."Exactly?" I croaked."Yes, Robert," she said, taking a step closer to me. "If I'm not a hag ... what am I?"I thought furiously, but I didn't have a lot of time before I responded."You're the kind of woman who for sure doesn't need a dating service to get a man's attention," I said. It didn't quite come.
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