My inner eighty-year-old continues to tell me that I’m only fifteen and that at least five years will pass before I can even consider a long-term relationship. But my outer teen wants to write poetry and sing love songs.And I know—absolutely know!—how absurd it is to think of a permanent commitment. One in three marriages end in divorce and the number is rising. The odds against finding my one-and-only soulmate at this stage of my life are astronomical. And still I can’t imagine a future without her.Oh, I’m a romantic, I am. I want to believe that it’s possible to have a mate—a partner—who is the only desire of your life for fifty or a hundred years. I’ve even known people who were like that but each year I live, the average life expectancy of a relationship decreases by a year.And I know how this will end. I know we will be separated by forces that we can’t combat and that eventually one of us will say, ‘I’ve found someone new.’ And at that moment, whether it is me who says it or. It was a dream not meant to be; instead she met and eventually married a man she had met at her part-time job. She had never kept her sexual desires a secret from her husband and they had shared many a threesome though partners found on Craigslist.It wasn’t until Alicia had met a single mom at a school function that trouble started. The two had hit it off immediately and it wasn’t long before their relationship had progressed. But the woman had no interest in Alicia’s husband or any man.Jealousy soon became apparent when he was left out of the fun. When he left her, there was no secret of why and it had been ugly. It wasn’t long before Alicia’s very conservative family made it clear that the shame was hers and her soon-to-be ex was the victim.Alicia never looked back as she completed her schooling alone and found a job as far from Iowa as possible. She had still felt alone in the world despite finding a few lovers to spend time with.But none could replace her first love in her.
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