After that initial numb shock, I wanted to die, and wanted to die every day, every minute of every day. I’d lived for her eyes to see me and her ears to hear me and no one else would do, nothing else would substitute. I was used to the pain of losing women, but this was truly devastating. Lexi was the one I’d revealed myself to at great pain, and I thought that pain had purchased something. It hadn’t. In the end your pain matters only to yourself. And what made it all so much more incalculably worse than a normal break-up—what made it so insulting, so offensive and hurtful—was the fact that she had dropped me for someone new. She had someone new to love and be loved by, someone she loved better and more deeply than she’d loved me, someone who touched her in ways I’d never touched her, someone she gave herself to in ways she never gave herself to me. She was apparently his sub, his submissive. From the start, her stories about them involved him dominating her and her suddenly. We stood tight together for a few more seconds. When we sat down her white blouse was flesh color stuck tight to her skin down the whole front of her. Her large lace bra looked ready to explode overflowing with her massive boobs. She said she was still role playing and going to teach me how to kiss. “Get ready, it’ll be like a real passionate kiss with your best girl, an open mouth kiss.” Without delay she leaned in, pressing her lips against mine. I held still our lips pressed together. When her tongue touched my lips I opened to let her in. My tongue automatically starts playing with hers. My tongue is sucked into her mouth. Her chest is against mine. I get lost in the kiss. Our tongues have taken over doing as they please. Just like when we were dancing, my head is spinning but much more. I feel drunk. She was holding my head in her hands. I move my hand up her soft neck and pushed her head into me, opening my mouth wide, like I wanted all of her inside me. We broke apart for an.
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