“What else?” continued the officer.The monkey pinched his fingers together, held them to his mouth and rolled his eyes.“They were smoking marijuana?”The monkey nodded.“Anything else?” asked the officer.The monkey mimed a kiss.“They were kissing too?”The monkey nodded his head.“So,” said the officer, “you’re saying they were drinking, smoking and kissing before they crashed the car?”The monkey nodded.“And what were you doing while all this was going on?”“Driving,” mimed the monkey.A couple were driving home late at night in the pouring rain when their car accidentally ran over a badger. They got out of the car to see whether it was still alive, and found that although it was very cold, the animal was still breathing. “What shall we do?” said the wife. “I know,” said the husband. “Put it between your legs to warm it up.” “But it’s all wet and it stinks!” “Well, cover the badger’s nose then!”A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, “What size. The scratches on his knuckles were a mixture of both new and aged wounds. Oddly, his finger nails had been kept both trimmed and clean. Deftly, those finger tips finished their task and with a swift motion the clip was now loaded into a .22 caliber pistol. ‘He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’ sake.’ Weapon hanging to his right side, the young man walked down the center aisle between the old wooden pews. His steps, though both soft and deliberate, still caused an occasional creak to groan out of the decades old flooring. As the sound echoed off the crucifix laden walls the young man stopped his journey in front of the main entrance. Two of them had been spotted wandering just outside of the church. Mentally he examined what he was about to partake in in the same vein as a chess player, planning his coming moves, the possible reactions to his actions and every possible outcome. Finally fully prepared he.
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