'Can the two really not go together?' Sitting in the exact same position as his real body's, Zax asked himself quietly.The blackness of the sea of consciousness above and all around the Inner Panorama, as if having a reaction to this one wondering sentence, started to fill with still and moving pictures, arrays of tableaus and echoing familiar sounds.Zax raised his head up, what in other people's eyes appear as a mess, for him was distinct and coherent.Everything that emerged, anything that sounded, was in one way or another related to the true meaning of his short question.What Zax actually asked was if a life on the Martial path can also include or integrate with the conventionality of a normal way of life and still not be impeded. What he asked was if a longevity that centered on self Martial desire can be attentive toward social and relational commitments. What he asked was if it is acceptable for him to stay in closed doors for months or more and miss the short time of his loved. But then Lucy and her mom had to leave town too and so this weekend I was at home with mom and none of them texted me or anything and so I just looked through stuff on my phone like old pictures and messages and stuff, but of course I skipped all the pictures that Cait and I had taken at the gym because I didn't want to get all turned on sitting next to mom.And then I found the name 'Jenny' in my contacts list and at first I couldn't remember who that was because I didn't know any Jenny and I checked and I had never called or texted this person and I almost just deleted the number when I suddenly remembered who it was. That woman in the bus station that time, and her name wasn't really Jenny as far as I knew and I had forgotten all about her. And I looked at the TV and some guy was crying because some girl didn't want to be on his team for today's challenge of whatever, and I shuddered and said “Mom, this is so stupid” and she said “No it's not, honey. Shh.”And so I looked down at my.
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