I could feel my cheeks flushing as I knelt down to scoop up my credit cards and receipts splayed out on the carpet. So much for playing it cool.When I finally made it into the club, I was no less intimidated. There were people everywhere – and they were all together. In groups or in couples, everyone had someone to talk to, dance with, and generally not feel like a loser with. Except me. So I sat down at a high bar stool table and pulled out my phone. I was too petrified to look around. And because none of my friends knew I was there or even that I was gay, I had no one to talk to. So I did something I’m not proud of – I fake texted.I believe my inner dialogue went something along the lines of: “Oh my god, everyone knows I’m here alone. Everyone is staring at me thinking I am a huge creep… Wait a minute. No one is actually looking at me. Why is no one looking at me?? Am I not attractive to lesbians? F*ck, here comes someone. La di da, don’t mind me, I’m just looking at my cell phone,. This morning, I had been pleased to see a vacant place next to her and had slid into it with alacrity. I soon regretted my choice of seat, however, as the journey progressed and my trouser bulge expanded. I was in an exquisite quandary. If I hid behind my newspaper, my incriminating lap was exposed; if I concealed the swelling by resting the newspaper on it, as I eventually felt obliged to do, I had no defence against the looks she kept shooting in my direction.I thought my agony would end when she got off as usual at the stop before mine, but she chose today to stay on the train. I deduced she must have changed job. This seemed confirmed when we got to my station; as I got up to go, she appeared to realise at the last moment that this was her stop too and as I alighted I saw her very hurriedly gathering her belongings (an activity that involved bending forward so that her tits hung beneath her, a sight I was unfortunately in no frame of mind to appreciate). As I left the platform I.
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