I was wary of my sexuality. It burst out of me like some wild white horse. Snorting and dangerous. Mysterious and unreal. It confused me. Strange hairs sprouted under my arms and between my legs. I was even developing breasts. My Mum was just as suspicious of my new body as I was. She didnt want to have to deal with my burgeoning womanhood at all. I guess seeing me this way mustve brought back all the turmoil of her own troubled chrysalis. It was far less uncomfortable for her to just sweep it all under the carpet/ carry on treating me like an eight year old. At this point I didnt really know WHAT I was. Nature was trying to tell me I was a woman but my Mother was still insisting I was a wee girl. Shed prove this to me by picking the subjects I was to study at school/ choosing what clothes I should wear/ telling me what friends I was allowed/ laughing at my schoolgirl crushes. One time when I was 12 years old Mum called me into her room. She sat me down at the stool in front of. . fir wo mummy ko apne bahonme bhar ke so gaya… aur wo dhere dhere mummy ke chutad pe hath fer raha tha.. kareeb 10 minute baad firse uska lund khada ho gaya tha… usne mummy ke chutad ko bahot dhyan se dekhne laga… mummy behosh ke mafik padi thi uske atyachar sahne baad… usne bistar se uthke kone ki almira se tel ka diba leke aya aur apni ungli se mummy ke gand ke ched pe lagane laga.. mummy ko pata chal gaya ke wo kya karnewala tha to mummy bolne lagi “ please wahan mat kijiye.. wo ched bahot chhoti hain aur ajtak wahan kisine kuch nahi kiya.. main aapka 10 inch nahi le paungi… rahem kijiye mujh par..” to usne bola “ abe ise to main aisa bhosda bana dunga ke tu soch bhi nahi sakti.. chinta mat kar raand meri.. teri naram patli gand marne ki khwais me main roz muth marta tha “ mummy ko koi raasta nazar nahi aa raha tha… to unhone uske baat manke ulta hoke so gayi aur apne hathon se apni gand faila di.. usne dhere dhere mummy ke gand me apna khada lund ko dal ne laga aur ek hath se.
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