I have no idea even his name. Even where he is. What he is. Just the substance of all of the ones before who chorded and then turned their backs and walked away and I wanted to scream at them I wouldn’t have done it to you…And the chords play under my fingers. Cum yet? Have I allowed myself time? Too fast? Too slow? Disinterested. Would he click off? What would I care? I care and I play the chords. And I think one fine day I will not be here, one fine day there will be a sun shine day that will not have me in it. I am going blind. My eyes are ‘fragile.’ I am not going blind. But my eyes are ‘fragile.’ I have to chord him. I have to say the oppression he gives me every few months or so are life for me, and I find happiness in his glumness, in his orchestration of me, now do it now, but I can’t, try try harder force yourself, and I want to scream and I am screaming at the chords I play, wondering which chord I have to hit to kill me, which cord I have to take from the organ keys and. I hadn't seen her since Christmas, and we were now halfway through Spring. Maybe that's a long time at her age. I kept thinking of her as a little girl, since I met her before she could walk. Cute little cousin Rose was turning into a very attractive young woman, more beautiful than Mom and Aunt Barbara ever were. As a kid, Rose always wore her long hair in braids or a ponytail, but now it was brushed out, it's fullness threatening to cover one eye and reaching far down onto her chest.She seemed nervous. I wondered if she felt as awkward about this arrangement as I did.“Let me show you what I thought we could do,” I said, leading them upstairs. “This is the guest room. You could have that, but it's pretty small. I thought I'd give you my old room. It's probably bigger than your parents' room at home, so all their furniture should fit. You'll have your own bathroom down the hall, since there's one in my bedroom for me. The closet is big, and you have some nice windows.” I.
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