Maybe he had the secret after all, and maybe that night wasn’t the first or the only time with him. Maybe the first time was much earlier. Maybe what I thought that night, that she had too much to drink, was really just her doing what she wanted to do anyway. But now, two years later, there I sat, looking at my past and trying not to let it get to me. The toys and the swing set did cause me some real grief which refused to pass. I had trouble breathing for a few minutes and my face was flushed and I was sweating like a pig but I began to find some degree of control. I took several deep breaths, closed my eyes and concentrated on the fine setting of the computer control of the gas injection sequence of the. . . . . . The panic attack I was having finally passed and I was almost calm again. That’s when her van passed me, moved down the road further before pulling into the driveway. I knew it was her as soon as I saw it. It was the same old Toyota van with the same license plate. I. They truly had one of the strangest Christmas trees of anyone he’d known. He then came to the last one on the bottom. He’d put it there just so he could sit and stare at it eye level. But as much as it angered him to do that simple task, he sat and stared at it anyway. It was a white satin bulb and the only decoration it had were four words. He hated that bulb now for so many reasons but he refused to take it down. One day the hurt would go away and he would be able to look at it without crying. But right now, he needed the tears. He searched through the salt in his eyes to focus on that bulb again. When they finish all of the Christmas shopping, she is turned in his arms and given a very serious look. ‘Goodness, Clayton. What is it?’ She furrows her brows at him. ‘I was going to wait for Christmas Day to give you this. I’m giving it to you now anyway. So just answer yes or no. I’ll understand either way.’ He tells her simply. She nods for him to go on. Clayton reaches into his.
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