I was slowly filled with a conviction that she could read my thoughts. In my pain and growing exhaustion it seemed any thoughts of anger or rebellion could be sensed by her and would result in another terrible beating. My sense of identity became detached. My world focused on her and her club. That if my becoming her dog would lessen the pain started seeming a very logical choice.After several days of torture, when my behavior had gotten to a point were she was satisfied I was subdued, she led me from the punishment room on a leash. Heavily chained I crawled obediently after her. She led me to the master bedroom were I saw Lisa for the first time in what seemed an eternity. She wore a short frilly nightgown and was sitting on the edge of the bed. My neck aching I looked up and met her eyes. I saw pity.This exchange drew an immediate response from Ingrid. She swung her club and struck the back of my neck. Crying out in pain I cowered from her."BAD doggie!" she exclaimed. "Now lay and. Rip her fucking life from her as she ripped mine from me. Finally, the feeling of satisfaction I had been looking for tore through me. Finally, the feeling of justification and joy coursed through my blood. Finally, I felt good about this ... but in a hollow way. It wasn't the unbridled bliss I had thought I'd find.Then the scene cut back to Michael, screaming as he was forced into the car ... and the feeling changed. Now there was true remorse. Now I was truly and completely sorry for what I'd done. I should have found a way to leave Michael out of this. I should have found a way to punish Amber and Dave – and, to a lesser extent, Maddy – without Michael having to be involved. I should have...The walls were closing in on me again and my vision was growing dark. Everything seemed to be as in a tunnel only the very center of which was clear. I was choking, unable to even breathe. Without a thought, without apology I walked outside. Once again, I grasped the railing but this time there.
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