With time it became easier and easier to put a barrier between myself and 'Mindy'. She was just a tool I used in the line of duty, but she wasn't me.The Russian clears his throat. "So you've sucked off a dealer a few times..."Shaking my head I object, "It was a little more involved than that." My cheeks flush - normally I would be denying it, trying to downplay what I had to do. It's already bizarre and perverse that I have to do the opposite for the first time. My heart beats faster as I try to prove to this thug that I'm not the innocent little blonde spook I probably look like. "Two weeks. Every day I would come and visit him. We had sex at least two or three times a day. My handler had no idea I was doing it, my superiors had no idea I was doing it. He could have held me down and raped me, tortured me, done anything he wanted to me. I realised I had to do it though. He had information that would lead to dozens of arrests, save untold numbers of lives from misery." Except this. Images flashed through my mind at warp speed, but they were too vague to grasp. I was beginning to feel faint. I couldn’t think. I’d had too much to drink earlier, but I wasn’t still totally drunk at this point, because Bennett had taken me and "fucked" me for awhile after we left the bar, so the alcohol had dissipated a bit. I was depressed, and I was scared, and I was confused, and somewhere in a dark corner of my mind, I knew I was extremely horny. And then in a flash, a phrase came to me, unexplained: "mercy of the court". With that impulse, and without thinking through even the first step of a plan, I launched myself — all five-foot-nothing, ninety-three pounds of myself — into my father’s lap. And I immediately turned on the tears.I have always had the ability to cry on demand. Not just tear-up, or sob: no. I can weep. Bawl. To the point of being unable to breathe evenly. And no one, not even my father, can tell whether or not I’m faking. I have always been a very, very.
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