I returned to these pages so many times that my simple red journal falls open to the page when I open it. I continued the dream with the guard in the fantasy falling in love with me, sneaking me out, and raising a family with me. Then abruptly my journal entry switches to addressing God. I beg his forgiveness for my sinful thoughts.Lord, why do you torture me—I ask in the lord’s prayer ‘and deliver us not into temptation, deliver us from evil’ it says plainly. Why do I enjoy these dreams?In my little red journal I wrote a lot about sex, a lot about God, and very little about my real life. Real relationships seemed impossible.Everyone knew me as the prim and proper girl who liked learning. Even among the nerd boys, I seemed an off limits alien. At one point, I shared chemistry class with five of them from my core friends group. They made naughty jokes and seemed genuinely surprised that I wanted to be included. They lightly flirted with me; mostly finding excuses to touch me during. It was only whenI heard Janet's breathing get rapid, that I realized she was close tocoming. I slipped my mouth off her "dick" and saw my crimson lipstickstains on her.Janet pushed me down on the sofa and roughly pulled my panties down. My"clit" sprang forward and she smiled. I was hoping she would suck on mebut instead, she went to her purse. Inside was a tube of lub e similar towhat I saw in the bathroom."Are you ready to be fucked?" she asked. All I could do is nod my head.Janet unzipped my dress and it fell to the ground. Her hands mauled mybreasts. I was pushed down and my legs were pushed to my chest. As Ilooked up, all I could see were my nyloned legs in the air wearing thetall heels. I was so distracted by that sight that I was not ready forthe thrust she was about to give.It hurt like hell for onlyt a minute then gave way to soothing pleasure.Janet smiled. Her breasts were smashing against my bra. My hands wereagainst her back and my legs wrapped around her ass as she piled.
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