Or this ... Fed up of Covid? Sick of lockdown? Bored with masturbating endlessly? Visit our top-secret getaway resort for a week of uninhibited sexual pleasure. Packed to the rafters with horny lingerie models and virile well-hung studs all eager to tend to your every whim and desire. Book now. Only a few places left. All kinks catered for. Yours for just £3000.And the letters and money just come pouring in, it really is most gratifying.Anyway, when I was stuck in that dingy office with Janine and her green eye shadow she banged on and on about how these columns weren't about me but about the saddos and their letters. Really? When I say 'banged on' I mean that quite literally because she had some cheap biro that she kept tapping on the table to emphasise each word, and if that isn't the most annoying personal habit imaginable then I don't know what is. So, just for you Janine, let's go 'to the letter'. Though it's more of a novella than a letter really, and not just any old novella. Fortunately they connected that day, and the rest was history.So here we were now, with a wedding about to take place.They had crazily decided to have the wedding up the coast at a resort town, which meant we all had to stay in hotels. This whole thing had grown into a rather grand affair, and I’d had to take on chores I hadn’t anticipated. I was to be Ashton’s best man and had been at the church for a couple of hours, making sure everything was ready.Everything was set and fine, so I went back to the hotel. I knocked on Ashton’s door and he opened it dressed in his tux. He looked good, real good.I pushed him back and looked him up and down, “Nice, guy, you look sharp, but what the fuck man, you’ve got three more hours before we have to head to the church.”He laughed, “Yeah, I know, I didn’t have anything else to do and I’m nervous as hell.”I said, “Relax, calm down, it’s all going to be OK.”I stepped forward and untied his bowtie. “Let’s get you out of this getup before it’s all.
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