“I mean it, Kurt. Fisting ain’t just fun and games. It can be dangerous. Particularly with me.”I comply, no longer even smiling. I know very well what he means.He surveys the results of my assuming the position, commenting only “Damn! For you, wide apart is really wide. Good.”“Now listen to me,” he goes on sternly, staring into my glowing eyes. “If you want me to stop, really stop right then and there and freeze in place, just say, ‘Matte!’”“Um – MAH-tay? Vhy that instead of just stop?”“Because it’s different. Stop can be used by accident, or if you don’t really mean it, or for other reasons. Matte is the Japanese command to stop that’s used in the style of martial arts I was trained in. It’s a word I’ll react to, no matter what. Got that?”“Matte. Ja, I have it.”“That’s your safeword. Don’t forget it.” Safeword. I have heard about that being used for S&M activities. But I have never had anyone actually give me one. I swallow nervously. He is not kidding about. We will talk in the morning.”I turned my head to look at her. I gazed into her tawny eyes.“I’m sorry,” I said.“For?” she asked.“I get the impression that I have ruined any chance I had with you. My life was complicated enough already, but I really liked you. I’m sorry I messed it up.”“Liked?” she queried. “Past tense?”“I kind of thought that ship had sailed.” “It’s still at the dock, for now,” she said, “but we have a lot of talking to do.”+++++I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I woke up alone.Mary had sent me a text, which surprised me since I hadn’t given her my number. I guessed she had somehow gotten it from my phone while I’d slept._Caleb. I’m so sorry to run out like this, but I had to leave urgently. I will see you very soon and we will have that promised talk. Take care, MaryI saved her number to my contacts and noted I had another text from my mother._Caleb, I know I said come home Saturday, but skip class and come home today. We need to talk urgently.I was starting to be.
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