And the lewd sight of his huge, blood-swollen penis moving into her virginal pussy, the shock of immediate pain... and then the breaking of her hymen and his merciless sawing back and forth while the pleasure drove her nearly insane.How could she lie here now and even admit that she had liked it? But she had! The revelation that she had liked it, had liked the attention from Stan, had liked the comradeship from the others -- all this bothered her more than the smaller amounts of guilt her upbringing still made her feel. Yes, I... like it, and... and Oh God, I want it again. I want to cum with Stan's cock in me. She must be sick, must be a juvenile delinquent and pervert for having no true shame for her actions, but only an emptiness inside her belly which was crying for more. Her body had not only betrayed her, but was forcing her to search out for further indecencies. Tears of humiliation cascaded down her cheeks in a tiny waterfall of self-incrimination.Slowly, like an automaton,. My internal sensors are correct. My internal sensors should be obeyed. I don’t need to do this. This is not right for me. Put the last four beers in the trunk and drive this car home.Go now.For god sakes, go.What would change though?Anything?I would still be in the same boat as I was yesterday, and last week and last month and six months ago. Even eight months ago, and a year ago. Yes. One full year. One full year of frustration. Of confusion. Of second guessing. Of depression. Of self-loathing.One full year of nothing.Shit.I take a deep breath. Let it out slowly.A yellow taxi stops in front of the building, breaking my thought pattern. An old guy climbs out; he is probably fifty years of age. The old guy pays his fare and walks toward the entrance door. My signal to rip open beer can number three.The music is playing on my stereo, a ‘number one hits’ station. My car’s engine is idling and the heater is set on low. I drive a fuel efficient Toyota Camry. I am not worried about burning.
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