I only wished that I had been able to hear what they said to each other in that Hotel room. But it was no matter Maggie had to have done something bad to start the ball rolling. Forgiveness was not in the cards here.I looked at my watch. I had an hour or so before Maggie would get home. Telling the girls I was going to try and get out of the house before their mother returned I began to pack my stuff. Ashley, Mike and Abigail helped me pack and asked me whether I was going to stay with them.I told them I was going away somewhere to reflect on what my next move was going to be. I knew of a religious retreat down near Newton Abbott in Devon. A friend of mine had been there a few times to get his head together after his wife passed away unexpectedly. It's a weird place completely cut off from the outside world, no phones or post. When you wish to go there you have to go and knock on the door.Mike insisted that I leave the gun safely locked away in my safe where I always stored it. It. When Alex and Sean arrive, Logan's parents physically tremble but welcome them warmly.Sadly, "Hi, Alex, I'm sorry." Logan, you didn't do anything to me. I'm sorry."Totally contrite, "I ruined everything. You didn't do anything." I pushed you to perform." Oh, OK.... I went to a psychiatrist." Really!" He's actually nice. I can talk about stuff that I can't talk about with anybody else." Oh, Sean helps me." He wants you to come with me one time." Ya think." Alex, I miss you so much." Me too." Fighting tears, "But I'm really mad at you. I don't even know what you did. I don't wanna know." I'm mad at me too. I wanna die. Just zap me." Logan, don't say that!" But I mean it. The shrink says he has helped every person that came to him with performance anxiety. That helps me keep going." His parents' eyes bulge out with these words, but remain silent.Alex asks, "What's performance anxiety?"Logan's eyes light up briefly, "You know."Alex smiles, "Oh."Suddenly Logan bursts into tears, "I tried.
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