(“Knights always carry a lance at the ready, what do you think that stands for?”)The upshot was that we had some non-traditional vows. One very specific vow I took in private, before Erin plus her like-minded bridal attendants and friends, was to NEVER insult my wife’s “glorious independent womanhood” by acting like a “white knight” on my own initiative. That meant I could never interfere physically in any way unless I saw that Erin was “physically resisting and was being overcome” or she summoned me. As I said, this was a specific vow between us, and with Erin it is best to err toward caution.Now, many guys would say, during what is coming next, that I should have blown off that vow and resorted to threats and violence. But those same people would be the ones to condemn a woman for breaking her vows, especially conventional vows like fidelity. Damn all hypocrites!As for fidelity, Erin and I made a deliberate consensual choice NOT to vow fidelity, even though we both intended to live. .. parts? The thought was too scary to accept for now; there had to be an easier solution.Someone must have put this on me. But who would do it and why?My phone rang, interrupting my rational paranoia. My screen told me it was my sister. Fuck, I was supposed to go to the gym and have lunch with her today."Hey Angie," I said, answering the phone nervously."Hey," she responded, sounding pre-occupied. "Am I meeting you inside the gym? Or at your place?" Umm," I hesitated, trying to think quickly as I stared at the abomination between my legs. "Look, Angie, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel today." Why?" She quacked, annoyingly, the way only a sister could."Because, I feel really sick today. Like, I can't leave the bathroom, type sick." Ugh, gross. Fine," she sighed. "Feel better, I guess."I hung up and felt relieved only for a brief moment before frustration with my situation overwhelmed me again.My phone beeped beside me as a text popped in. Now what?It was a message.
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