"I'm sorry Reb, but I..." He held his hand up to silence me."Zeke, ain't nobody complaining. You're getting what you need. Tammy, who has been alone since Denny run off and got his ass kilt in Iraq is as happy as a pig in shit, and until recently nobody else knew."I nodded, expecting there to be a "BUT" coming."But," he said, right on cue. "Something is coming up." My heart dropped."And the something that's coming up appears ta be Tammy's belly, because fat ass or not you done knocked up the wrong sister. That got me ta thinking that maybe the problem with you and Victoria ain't with you. Maybe my baby sister is just barren. I mean the two of you have been married now for five God damned years and even if as you say, she just don't like ta fuck, SOMETHING should have happened before now."I nodded my head. "Shit, I wish your father was still around," I said. "He was a man of honor. If he sold you a bad pig, he'd make it right and..." He held up that hand again then."I'm gonna make. The woman said she would try her best. God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. “Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there.” “They don’t like that in heaven,” God said. The woman replied, “They’re not too happy about it in Costco either!”1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn’t!2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.9. I’m not a complete idiot -- Some parts.
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