Letting myself move into any other area while this was fresh would be destructive to my ability to remain lucid. And that felt like the most important thing in the world at the moment. The next crucial question here was how did I feel about all of this? Did I still love my husband? Had he wiped out years of marriage in just one afternoon? Could I ever come back from this place? I didn’t know much that night, but I did know that I wouldn’t be logical enough to make that decision. The desire to inflict pain on him was the strongest feeling I had at the moment. I wanted him to be hurt as I was. I wanted him to feel what it was like to love and then lose in one swift moment, just as I had to endure that day. I wanted it to hurt him deeply. Something in me clicked over. I took comfort in that thought. It was like a smooth balm on my aching soul. I hurt so much, I had loved Peter so terribly much. And now I couldn’t be sure of it anymore. The only person who could actually take it away. I imagine that both women were victims of circumstance that unfortunately befall too many people. You were angry with Shirley for giving to other men what she came to deny from you and then became pregnant and moved away.” “Then, there is the charged sexual tension that you experienced when a married woman risked discovery to have illicit sex with you? A woman named Madonna no less. And, before Donald, most of the experiences you designed for your wife were in cars, as were nearly every premarital experience you ever had. It’s something we call transference, or projection and it means that you acted out feelings onto your wife that were baggage leftover from your earlier relationships. Do you understand what I’m saying?” “I think so.” “Good. Now, finish your coffee Jeff and let this sink in.” Four minutes later Jeff downed the last sip, gave a low whistle and said, “Wow…” “And…? Come on Jeff, use your words,” Kat said with a warm smile. “Wow and wow,” Jeff replied. Somehow, you.
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