I said to them, “Fuck off.”When she hugged me all I could feel was her comfortable shoulder. I rested my head. Her hug was so tight I felt her breast squeezing with my chest. She then started patting my head and said, “Don’t worry, I’m there for you.” Then she kissed me my forehead and again hugged.I rested my head on her shoulders. For a moment I felt loved, I could say that.Me: I love you sister. But I don’t know if I could ever love anyone the way I loved her.Sudha: It’s okay da, don’t cry. After all, you’re a boy. Man up and have some balls.Me: But…Sudha: I’ll help you. You can just imagine me as your girlfriend Sara okay!Me: But how?Sudha: Simple, just forget that I’m your sister, and just imagine as your girlfriend. To make things easier you can start by proposing to me.Me: I’m already stressed, don’t make fun of me.Sudha: I’m not, I’m serious about this, Shiva. I don’t want to see you cry and mourn every day thinking of her. I can help you. As a sister this I can do now.Me:. I walked through the quiet house with only the chimes of the hall clock to keep me company and raided my father's liquor cabinet. He was a Jack Daniels man and I helped myself to a goodly amount and headed back to my room. I'd have to buy a new bottle soon.Yes, back to my room. My mother had kept it pretty much the same as when I left. She had moved a big leather chair up from downstairs thinking I might want someplace to sit and read. I looked around in the darkness. Useless football trophies reflected what little light there was from the street lamp outside and pictures of me stared back from numerous photos, always with a damn football. It was useless junk that meant nothing.As usual, when I went to bed I had a devil of a time getting to sleep. Finally I had fallen into a fitful sleep which was pretty much the same story each night. I just didn't sleep well without Abigail in the bed beside me. Other than one night she spent in the hospital when she had Amelia, we never slept.
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