" Not exactly," James said, "I think, why do I do it, it's just that it's . . . crazy, perverted. I say I'll stop. I won't do it any more. But then I get the urge and I do it again." Has there been times when you refused to give in to the urge?" Only if I couldn't do it, like if my wife was home, or I had work to do." And how do you feel then?" I don't think I feel anything. I just know I can't so I forget about it." Do you feel anxious?" No. Not that I'm aware of," James said."We're out of time," the therapist said. "I'd like to suggest something, James. Next time you get the urge, don't give in to it and pay attention to how you feel. Specifically if you feel anxious." "Okay. See you next week."James thought about the therapy session as he drove home. He resolved to follow the therapist's instructions. See if it made him anxious.He took the mail in, dropped it on the table by the front door, went to the kitchen, poured a glass of ice tea. He carried the tea to his office, sat at his. Incredibly, the echoesseemed louder than my original sounds.I have no idea whether I took minutes or hours to reach theclimax of my masturbation. I was lost in the primalimmediacy of the moment, transported from self-absorbedgratification into a feeling of being connected with nature.Clouds, skin, cliffs, sweat, tumbleweed, hair, pebbles,nipples, sunshine, labia, echoes,.... orgasm. It started asgentle breeze, and built up to a howling, spectacular stormwithin my loins, lightening striking out into all theinterdependent elements of my taut body. I shrieked in thetotal ecstasy of the experience.And then suddenly, my calf cramped up from the stress ofsquatting for so long. Perhaps it took a few seconds for thesharp pain to open the door to my distracted consciousness,for before I knew it, I was falling off my birdlike perchand off to one side. Just in time, I pulled my wet hand outof the twitching folds of my cunt, and used it to absorbmuch of the momentum of my tumble. But that in.
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