..- Mark TwainThe secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible- George BurnsSanta Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.- Victor BorgeBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.- Mark TwainBy all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.- SocratesI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.- Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.- Rodney DangerfieldMoney can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike MilliganUntil. I think it's you." Me? What'd I do?" You didn't do anything. I'm not saying -- I don't mean it's your fault I can't hit. But, look what's been happening!" What?" When you come to the game, I hit like a sonuvabitch! When you're not here, I get my ass kicked by pitchers I used to own!" Oh, c'mon, now Slug! That's nothing but superstition! You're talking crazy now!" OK, so it's superstition. Who gives a Fat One? If having you around makes me a better hitter, we've gotta arrange it so I have you around!" Oh, yeah, right. So I get to spend all my nights and weekends at Camden Yards, watching ballgames. Just what I've always wanted -- a season ticket!" I realize it's a big inconvenience, Sandy, honest! I'll pay you! It'll be like an extension of your therapy." It would be more like aiding and abetting you in your self-indulgent, self-destructive dependency. I'd be your enabler!" Damn, you sound just like a real live psychologist!" Well, I may be a quack, but I know a little something about.
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