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I ended up at a local yuppie hangout. I sat at the bar, nursing the same milk-shake all night, (did I forget to mention I can't drink alcohol?) when SHE walked in to my life... She said hi to the bartender and complained of a neck-ache. I offered to rub it out for her. She said, ok. So, I did, cracking an old joke I'd heard from a George Burns routine. She laughed, out loud, & we started talking. We talked for 3 hours about any- every- and no-thing... It was great to finally get all my feelings & frustrations out of my troubled soul! And she, Julie, seemed as interested to hear my tales, as I was to tell 'em! But it was getting late & I didn't want her to hear all my best material yet (did I forget to mention I'm a Stand-up comic? Silly me) so I offered to walk her to her car. She said ok & we did. On the way, she invited me to her place for dinner the next night! Duh! I said yes!A little background on me would be great right here... I was 33, then, a virgin, a stand-up. “I was sure we were busted.”“I turned twenty-four last week,” she replied.“Twenty-four? You don’t look a day over eighteen.”She accompanied me to the bar and I placed my order. “Scotch, straight, no ice ... and water on the side.” I looked toward her.“Coke,” she said.“And, a Coke.”The bartender set the glasses on the counter and I set down some bills. “Keep it,” I said. The barman touched his temple as a salute and we carried the glasses to a table.The girl picked up her glass and I could see her hand tremble. “Got the shakes?” I asked. She nodded. “Me, too.” I sipped my Scotch.“I was lucky,” she said, “that someone with a gun came along.”“Do you mean this?” I reached into my pocket and placed on the table a small antique chrome-plated monkey wrench. Then I picked it up, holding the jaws in my palm and the handle extending outward. “In dim light it does look a bit like a Saturday-night special. That fact dawned on me when I brandished it to the clerk at the shop where I bought it. He.
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