“Oh, Rhee. You’re right. I don’t know why it’s hitting me like this. It’s only a few more inches. Well ... a few more inches twice, or so.”With that, my face flushed, and Rhee snickered in my ear.“Hang on. I’ll be right back.”Rhee pulled on a pair of shorts and headed downstairs.I almost laid out on the bed but decided to leave that expanse of sheet pristine for the time being. I sat in my chair, thinking hard about why I was so nervous. As Rhee said, nothing significantly different will happen tonight. Well, that’s not quite true. Nothing particularly physically significant will happen. It seems, despite my sexual proclivity leaning toward the lesbian side of the spectrum, this “losing virginity” thing has a stronger hold on my psyche than I imagined. Much stronger. I pondered that, remembering aspects of all of the sex I’ve had, often with fingers inside me ... fingers of five other people, one of whom is the man I hope to make love with tonight.That last caused me to think. “Is it. After his NiS-week ended, and nothing else happened — I was sure he had reported me to someone — but when nothing happened, I tried to put it out of my mind. Then my monthly was late and — and — and I just knew..." Another round of tears started.Janet handed Ellen a tissue and thought about it. "No one knows about this. Are you sure?"Ellen nodded. "I made a comment in the staff lounge a couple times that I'd heard about an 'indiscretion' and everyone laughed at me." Do you have a boyfriend?" Ellen shook her head. "What about that guy you used to date, the Dentist." Herbert? What about him?" She shrugged. "I mean we broke up because he can't have children and I want them. That's why I'm keeping this one even though..." Tears began leaking again."Did he want them? Do you think he'd marry you like this?" Oh, he'd never take me knowing I slept with a student!"Janet waved that off impatiently. "Don't tell him that! Tell him it was rape. Or that you got drunk and someone took advantage of.
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