It took all my adolescent strength not to stare at her large, tanned breasts when she sunbathed topless on the beach. What a lucky man my dad is, I had thought to myself.I could tell Lisa and my dad had a good sex life from the way they talked and joked about it. They were still quite young and very much in love so I wouldn't expect anything less. From the dynamic of their relationship, I would have thought she would be the one to take charge in the bedroom, but I can also imagine my dad's forceful side coming out in their love-making. I felt strange when I thought about them having sex, like I knew I should put it out of my mind but really didn't want to. From time to time I would masturbate thinking about my step-mom's boobs bouncing up and down as she rode my dad, and when I came, I would imagine them reaching a simultaneous orgasm, making mine all the more intense.I lived with my mum but stayed at my dad's house from time to time. On one such occasion, when I was s*******n, I had. In all this time I never touched another person in a sexual way. The pain was just too great to get exclusively involved with another person and I thought that celibacy was the only way to Awakening. How wrong could one be? When I realized my mistake and that I was called to love all, I needed to get back into the world, the world I knew, the world I never should have left.I returned to the Valley after my failed sojourn into mysticism to celebrate New Year’s Eve with some friends from my life before my marriage. These friends were all nudist swingers while my ex wanted me to be exclusively his. We haven’t had sex for the last three years of our marriage. When I eventually caught him with another woman, I moved out.Strangely, the rain also washed away my self-pity. After my tears and the rain, the sun broke through the clouds cleansing me and lifting the burden from my soul. Descending from the cliff, I had time to gather my thoughts and reflect on the lightness of being I was.
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