An electric pulse resonated within my belly as i got excited thinking about how this young man was viewing me. He was a Chinese student who looked to be around 19 year old, I would average his height to be about 5 feet 7 inches and he was skinny, wore glasses,jeans and a black sweater. It had been a while since I had any sexual fun and my erotic appetite needed some whetting. I decided that it wouldn't be any harm to have some fun so I toyed with him a bit throughout his meal; i would pass by and let my hand rest on his shoulder and asked him if he was alright, enjoying his food, basically just chatting him up. He was loving it, he blushed from ear to ear throughout. My routine as a waitress is always to make the rounds with customers to ask them if they are enjoying their meals, I try to also make small conversations with them to get to know them a bit better and build up my service and their confidence in me in the hopes that they return. I do love my job and I go above and. The more I turn it over in my mind, the more I realize the validity of the expression in describing my current mental agitation.In retrospect what happened several hundred years ago is clear. What happens when the seasons change is clear, it is preordained by nature? What is not clear is what will happen to me if I succumb to my own renaissance? What will I change into? What will I change from? What will be the price if these forces boiling within me successfully storm the ramparts and drastically alter the course of my life? Will they bring happiness or sorrow, fulfillment and contentment or emptiness and sadness? Joy to my family or a profound sense of loss?What does the future hold? Should I resist or should I give in? If only I had an inkling of the core question. What is it I need, I want, I am striving for? What are the forces, churning in me, striving to do with my life? Where are they proposing to take me? Will it be a new and glorious level of being, a veritable paradise on.
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