I understand. You have been great to me. I love you, Auntie." I love you too, honey. Now it's time to go. Your uncle and I are going out in a little while."* * *I could not get home fast enough. I didn't run any red lights or blow through any stop signs, but I may have cut off a few smaller, slower cars. By the way, what the hell is it with these 75-year old men who have to drive these big-ass Cadillacs five miles an hour under the speed limit, and these fucking soccer moms in the Chevy Suburbans. Two k**s and they need an automobile big enough to carry the 82nd Airborne division. Cripes!As you can imagine, I get a little irritable when slowpokes are interfering in my panty plan. I had the whole thing worked out in my head. First I had to clean up the pair I was wearing. I couldn't let anything bad happen to the baby blues Patti gave me. Second, after I showered, I'd lay out all the old pairs on one side of the bed and the new pairs on the other. Then I'd just take my time going from. We talked about television and memes. We talked about friends and picked a restaurant for our anniversary.He told a joke, and I laughed at it. A stupid dad-joke. And he was himself, and he was mine.When I stopped laughing, I spit out my toothpaste, rinsed my mouth, and turned to look at him. All those eyes. Happy eyes. He must have understood the look itself, because he wrote YOURE CRAZY. IM SURE YOU DONT WANT TO DO THAT.But I did. I shed the pajama shirt and pants I had already changed into, and sat on the edge of the tub. I closed my eyes. Waited. Opened them. He hadn't moved. He was completely frozen.He wrote on the wall, WE HAVENT DONE THIS IN FOREVER BUT YOU WANT THIS NOW??? WHEN IM LIKE THIS??So I looked him right in some of his eyes and took my panties off too. "Maybe this is what's been stopping us." I took off my socks. "It's been stopping you too. When you're like this or when you're not!" Set my glasses on the counter. "But this is just you." I stepped into the bathtub.
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