The daily remindersthat there was still this anomaly there, that my body did not whollyreflect who I deeply felt myself to be, began to grate: getting dressedin the morning and having to, well, "tuck" things out of the way; goingto the bathroom; wearing a bathing suit and worrying that something mightnot look "quite right"; being intimate with my partner. All of thesethings began to function as unwelcome cues that things were not as theyshould be.The tipping point came a couple of summers ago. My partner and I were ata friend's rural property with about ten other mutual friends, campingout, barbequing, hiking through woods, having singalongs around thecampfire. It was great. On the property there is a lovely, spring-fedpond into which the owners had trucked a few skiploads of sand to form asmall beach and sandy bottom. At some point, someone said, "Hey, let's gofor a swim!" None of us had bathing suits, so there was the immediateassumption that we'd all just go skinny-dipping. Um,. I recognized him from the party at Jean Crispen’s home, and I have met him since at the shop of his wife, the seamstress at Campomesnils.“I am sorry, Monsieur,” I told him. “My husband is away on business and is due back in a few days. I will give him word of your visit, and he will seek you out once he has returned.”“Is the Lady Nicole present?” he asked, ignoring my entreaty to leave. “I could discuss it with her.”“No, good sir, she is not here either,” I explained. Suddenly, he pushed his way through the door.“Monsieur Louvel!” I shouted, “You are not welcome! You must leave at once!”“I am sorry, my Lady,” he said, trying to quiet me. “I am here under false pretenses. My master, Jacques le Gris, has sent me to find out if you are alone.”“What?” I asked in shock. “Why would Squire Le Gris concern himself with such a thing? Please, leave at once.”“My master is outside,” Louvel explained, “he wishes to see you.”Just then Jacque le Gris stepped through the doorway and closed our door.
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