He had a job that helped us have a home. He worked 40 yrs at the same place. He was intelligent, but I don't know, he always wished things were better but never made an effort. Do I wish that he made more money, buy us more things, make some friends, fight the world, and be my hero? May be, I did. Now I respect him for whatever he did. If he was happy being worried, sad, lonely, sick, I am happy for him. He died before I could reach him, never told us he had heartburn on exertion. He feared hospitals, but I wish he made an effort to tell me. I could not give him everything. I might have operated him myself, provided better vascularisation, extended his life, decreased his misery a bit. I ll never know.He loved us the way he could, I guess we did the same too. But, but, but as long as I m alive, I wish we could have been better dad-son. Wish I was stupider. Wish I could enjoy TV along with him, or be there every day making life for him, or I was never born so he could spare the time. But thing is, we own uh damn boat. Been working since we rail tall..." I was the youngest girl to ever work the boats 'cause I hit my growth spurt at 9." Beth was very proud of that fact."Oh. And what do you do on the boats?" Mostly work the nets. I don't like navigatin' but I can."The porter gives Beth an appraising glance. I think he expected her to say galley or something similar."Any way," I go on. I think I'm rambling but I'm afraid that if I stop talking I'm gonna pass out where I stand, "you'd think one uh us coudda told bow from stern." Tol' ya we's on'a port side." Alex muttered. "Master my fuckin' ass."I grab him and shove him hard against the wall. Now I know I'm drunk but I don't care. "Say 'gain, boy?" Nothin', sir." His eyes go a bit wide. The porter stammers nervously beside us."Watch yo' mouth or Ima make you watch mine the rest uh the trip." I lean closer and whisper - I think I whisper - "I'll eat Beth. Shit, I'll eat the porter an' not let you have uh bit. Jus'.
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